What’s A Parent To Do?
by Pastor Mark S. Disbrow
THE PROBLEM
Children have no firm foundation. The foundation has been pulled out from under them. They are being taught that there is no right or wrong, no winner or loser, no boy or girl only non-binary, no one true religion or God because truth is what you choose, no nuclear family—it’s who you choose to be your family.
This lack of foundation is driving children to suicide and mental illness!
Jesus says, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall.” Matthew 7:24-27
Our children are being taught to build their house on the sand.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
Children are struggling. REALLY struggling. They have no time to be a kid. To enjoy being a kid. They are being taught mental illness. They are being shaped to be digital people. Virtual reality. Children are not sexual beings either. They need to grow up before they think about participating in sex.
And who is supposed to be training up this child? Who actually is training them up?
As the church…we say, build your house on the rock.
Should we recommend the parent follow the godless government’s (or any secular organization) dictates and let the kid choose their gender, identify as a deviant sex-behavior, let them self-harm because we don’t know what to do about it, let them live unattended in a virtual world?
Should we recommend that the parent remain godless in their home just to please the government and get the child back? (This is the struggle I always see once the DHS or CPS puts you on their radar. Most of the time they even forbid the parent or foster parents taking the children to church. I’ve never heard them recommend that they take the child to church.)
Should we recommend that the parent send their children to organizations that aren’t healthy or sane? Children are not sexual beings. They need to grow up before they think about participating in sex.
No we don’t. I do know how we, the church, are to help. The problem is, when these life problems crop up the parent wants a rescue right now. Immediately. Without having to modify their life. However, the problem is like a large ship and it takes awhile to turn with the small rudder.
THE SOLUTION - BEWARE IT'S TOUGH MEDICINE BUT EFFECTIVE
Following is my thought - from a broad brush perspective. I’m laying it out in general terms to start with. Once it is stated, the question becomes ‘how to implement them’ for the specific situation at hand.
Seven Steps to Turn the Ship Back on Course
1. Kids need to get unplugged first. A backpack trip would be tops on my list!! They don’t realize how the phone is ruling their life. The phone is not their parent.
The problem with the child is that the phone is her world and it is teaching her this destructive problem. The phone has got to go and the child needs to come back into the real world. Get a flip phone for her. Counseling could help him to transition back to the world from the digital hell. That phone will drive heimto suicide—and worse. Article: Social Media and Mass Shootings
A child does not need a phone. They don’t have any business to conduct. They don’t have to pay any bills. They don’t need sell things online. They don’t need to stare at a phone and play a game while ignoring the real world and real people.
A parent doesn’t need their child to have a phone. If you just want the security of the phone so that you can find them or they can find you, then you likely aren’t parenting. Don’t be that distant from your child. Know where they are without using the phone. Don’t leave them places where they could get in the kind of trouble where you want them to call you. Don’t leave them alone so much. Don’t leave them places without an adult you trust to call you if there is a need or problem. Go more places with them. Have them go more places with you. Be part of a community you trust to oversee your child if you aren’t there. There are dozens of people with a phone ten feet from them if there is an emergency. They can borrow the phone to call.
2. Kids need to live in the physical world not digital world. Once they are unplugged they need to experience real life, face to face life, nature, exercise.
3. Children need to have physical friendships, not digital. If they want to talk to a friend, have them go to the park and meet the friend there. Or have them come to your house. Meet at a restaurant and share a milkshake.
4. Find non-tech activities to do with physical friends. Ride bikes. Skateboard. Run. Hike. Climb. Camp. Board games. Sports. Fish. Canoe. Ride horses. Do all of these WITHOUT the phone.
5. Parents must model and live the same way. As you read this list you are probably recognizing that you are ignoring your children while you are on the phone or computer. The child sees the parent doing this and they copy it.
6. Parents and Children must be part of Community. The digital world is not community. God designed humans to be in community. The first community is a family. God’s family and the nuclear family. The second community should be the church. Through these first two communities, find others.
7. Parents need to build their life on the Foundation. This is the core of parenting. Your child was given to you to parent. Your children were not given to the digital world, public opinion, or the government to parent. Children need stability. They need to know what is true and how to make proper choices. Jesus’ commands are that foundation.
Where to Start:
Recognize these behaviors and thoughts of self-harm and gender dysphoria are a spiritual battle and worship disorder. They are issues in the mind and spirit. They have to do with self and identity. They are symptoms of a deeper internal problem. They have to do with what your child thinks and believes. The symptoms are Your child's way of trying to express and cope with life issues. They are behaviors that Satan inspires with the purpose being death or destruction. As a way of pushing your child away from God. Your child's responses are more defensive oriented rather than positive offense towards life. your child likely feels that there are so many life situations your child can’t control but would like to.
God created your child and has a purpose for your child’s life. What is it? Certainly not to be confused and self-destructive. Rather, there is something that God wants to use your child for in other people’s lives and in God’s Kingdom. Your child should be searching for this.
What not to do:
1. Secular counseling and prescription medication instill worldly teaching and values into a person. They do nothing to draw the person closer to God, her Creator. In large part, they only give her relief of the symptoms and techniques of removing the pain. They do nothing to instill in her God-breathed identity and inspiration to walk in the Spirit.
[Prescription meds may stabilize but they introduce side affects as well. God did not create her to be dependent upon medication rather to think positively about life. The longer your child stays on the medication the more dependent on it your child will become. Then later your child will have to conquer that addiction in addition to the issues the medication covered up. Most secular counseling these days simply teach the person how to be comfortable being screwed up.]
Begin Examination:
How much do you know about what is going into her mind and heart? Is your child on Tik-Tok or other social media? What is your child viewing or listening to? The world out there is truly messed up. Public school is aiding and abetting Satan’s plan. It isn’t educating our children with anything from the bible and they are way behind in teaching the educational mechanics of reading, writing, math, true history, etc. Just examine local, statewide, and national test scores if you don’t believe me.
Most children have these jammed into their mind and spirit:
1. Screwed up behaviors are celebrated
2. Counseling that supports them and directs children to it
3. Mental health medication that creates long-term problems for the benefit of short-term relief
4. School that sets a whole worldview up which is against God
Where’s a parent to start? As a single parent your assignment is daunting. Even a couple will be challenged by all this.
I’d say in answer to this…
1. Digest the big picture first. Don’t get lost in details of problems and solutions. A parent’s level of conviction to this big picture will dictate the commitment to a path of healing.
2. Find out who is counseling your children and with what worldview? I’d push towards Christian counseling.
3. Find out what ‘playground' are they hanging out in? This frames the content of the input.
4. Change Direction: Your child has to become motivated to control the content your child allows into her mind and spirit and letting it be God-centered. A change to biblical worldview (not legalistic but grace-filled) will make all the difference.
5. Examine your style of living, inventory how much time you spend with your child, inventory how many things you do with your child (not the food-your shelter-clothes items). You may likely find that you and your child are in the room together but both in the digital world—not connecting physically with each other. Make the appropriate changes to your life to change your child’s life.
How much of the bible’s wisdom and counseling is your child getting? Likely none at all.
Start Here for Christian Counseling
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/family-qa-articles/
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/?s=teen+cutting
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/truth-from-the-bible-for-cutters-when-feelings-for-self-harm-are-strong/
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/?s=teen+suicide
YOU ARE INVITED TO BRING YOUR CHILDREN HERE! They will be able to play with other kids, run, jump, swing, climb hills, ride bikes, and best of all—get to know Jesus. The Rock. We look forward to meeting all of you.
Grace and peace to you. Mark
